I don’t know why many Ghanaian and African parents live through their children. The aim to control the child is typically not in the child’s best interest, but to look like they are being good parents. Everything is about the show. Sadly many Ghanaian children grow into adults lacking self esteem, destructively seeking outside approval because that approval was not giving in the home.
I am shocked at how parents can be insulting their children to family members, outsiders and any and everyone who will listen. Then they wonder why these outsiders also use their children as a gossip topic, and a way to insult them. However, if they look closely, they will realise if they weren’t the ones disapproving of their offspring so publicly, others won’t.
Parents see nothing wrong in calling their child stupid, idiotic, retarded, fools and other abusive terms. Some even hit their children to deter bad behaviour. Then they wonder why their children are so receptive to abusive friendships and relationships, or why their children are abusive. They also wonder why their children have a strained relationship with them, and go to outsiders for comfort. The answer is simple the parent, is not an umbrella of shelter for the child. The parent has become the inner critic, outside critic, self doubt and lack of self esteem for their child.
The child feels unworthy, inadequate, and unimportant. Therefore it’s easy for outsiders to destroy them. Some Ghanaian parents deter their children from making the simplest mistakes, because they demand perfection from their children. This leads to an inferiority complex for the child. The child becomes a coward, going for safe roles and ambitions to please the parent, because dreaming can go wrong. And because the child is the parents entity, and not an individual of their own. That can’t happen.
Therefore the child begins to describe themselves with the horrible words their parents have given to them. In Ghana’s most beautiful 2018, judge Linda Ampa said that a lot of girls don’t hear I love you from fathers, so any stupid boy who says I love you, can lead a girl astray. I think the main issue here is that if girls are told they are unworthy by family members, any one who uses the word love, wether boys, bosses or friends can manipulate them into doing bad things. After all, the girls cannot discuss life issues with their parents, or don’t want to for the fear of hearing something negative. Boys can also fall into bad friendships, or gangs who offer comfort and a sense of self, that their parents fail to offer.
Children from loving families who build their esteem, discipline them kindly with love, and accept them unconditionally, go on to be confident healthy adults. However, children of controlling parents who won’t allow their children to breath, grow up insecure with feelings of inadequacy, with an inability to be creative or independent. They must always go with the flow and tradition, otherwise they fear being mocked or abused by others. Those are not the type of children we want to be grooming.
The sad thing is many parents don’t think they are being abusive, they believe they are trianing up the child the way they should go. Yet, they are forcing the child to submit to their will. Even God almighty gives us the free will to be obedient or disobedient. God speaks to us lovingly, mercifully and forgives. So how can there be parents destroying their children, emotionally and physically, with the aim of getting the children to do their will.
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